Archive for the ‘ Comedy ’ Category

Pi Day

(√-1) (2^3) ∑ (3.14)

Happy Pi Day!

More on pi: here

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How I Became A Farmer

I never thought it would happen to me. I never wanted it to either. But, one morning out of the blue, I put on my overalls, boots, and Carhartts and took to the fields.

I started small; after all, I was new to this whole thing. First I started planting the basics: wheat, soybeans and corn. As I remembered from my history classes, Native Americans would bury fish with the seeds of the corn. As the fish decomposed, it would act as a fertilizer for the newly germinating seeds. I wished to try this for myself, but I didn’t see it as an available option.

After spending what seemed like hours plowing and planting, my farm was ready to go! Three days later, I had crops! I was amazed. I knew I could do it. I knew I could be a great farmer: and, indeed, I was!

I harvest my crops and took them to market and sold them. I felt like I was in Union Square on a summer Saturday, it was fabulous!

After returning from the market, I went right back to work! Only this time, I had a little extra cash, so I plowed an extra row and planted more crops. This was so exciting, I really felt like I was making a difference.

While I waited for my crops to grow, I took a gander at my neighbors. You know, sizing up my competition. As a gesture of civility, I decided to rake their fallen leaves. I thought it was nice, and so started a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” relationship with my neighboring farms.

Then, disaster struck! No, not a drought – worse! The Internet froze! Facebook crashed, and all was lost! My farm was gone. My newly found career and passion: destroyed!

I thought, “how could this happen to me?” I have been helping people; I successfully planted and harvested several bushels of crops and now look… my life as a farmer has ended. I was devastated.

It was days before FarmVille was up and running again. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt lost, alone and without a purpose. This was simply unacceptable. So, I took to the forum and filed an official complaint!

It wasn’t long after becoming a farmer that I too started to moonlight as a vampire. At first, I thought it was going to conflict with my busy farming schedule, but it all worked out well.

All is well on the farm, that has since been converted to a vineyard and we hope to double our profit by the end of the month!

Thank you FarmVille for changing my life.

Drugs Not Hugs!

Psychotropic drug therapy is the first line of defense for many doctors. Feeling blue? Have a Prozac! Can’t sleep? Have an Ambien! It goes on and on. It’s cheaper than therapy, it works faster than ‘healing from your emotional wounds,’ and above all, it lasts longer than crack!

So, in that light, I rewrote the Lord’s Prayer to more appropriately fit our ideals and our views on what is holy and the true path to happiness.

Our Pfizer who giveth thee heaven, Prozac be thy name.

Thine pharmacy I come.

Crying will be done

On earth as it is in heaven

Give us this day our daily pill

and forget our troubles

as we forget those whom trouble us

and lead us not into depression

but deliver us from bad chinese food

For thine is my savior

and the power of 100mgs

for ever and ever

Ambien!

I hope that made y’all smile.

-Joshua

We’ll do it in the rain…

Not much else to say about gay marriage…